Our previous blog talked about your child’s sleep cycles to help you gain a better understanding of their habits and why sleep is so important to a new baby. If you haven’t read it yet, you can do so here.
We already know that as new parents, getting your child to sleep can be a big challenge! This is especially hard when they’ve been sleeping well for the past few months and now a new routine of waking up 30 minutes after you get them down occurs. You thought you were doing everything right and knew exactly what your child wanted. However, your original method of getting them to sleep may have actually made it harder for them in the long run by creating habits they now need to experience every time.
In this blog, we wanted to share the six best methods for “training” your child to get better sleep every night (which ultimately help you sleep better as well). These proven methods effectively teach your child that they can fall asleep without needing parental intervention, and newborn sleep consultants swear by them.
First Things First
The best time to get your child started on these routines would be between 4-6 months, which is hopefully before they’ve gotten used to the negative habits like needing a pacifier or being walked to fall asleep. It is also during this time that they sleep lighter for longer with each sleep cycle, proving it an ideal time for independence learning. However, starting before this time is not recommended as they are still on a pretty regular feeding schedule during the night, which would interfere with these new sleep routines.
When trying these methods, make sure you already have your child on a regular sleep schedule, such as putting them down at 7-8 p.m. This will take some proper time-management on your part to make sure they stick to a schedule and are getting tired enough around bedtime. Also, putting them down when they are getting drowsy (but not fully asleep) will help them realize they are consistently falling asleep in their own familiar, comfortable space.
So let’s dive in to these six proven methods that can get you and your child on better paths to great sleep!
- Pick Up, Put Down, and Shush-Pat
This method involves one parent staying in the room while the child falls asleep. Lay your child in the crib and stand over them for a few minutes while they drift off. If they start to fuss, gently pat their back, and give them a soothing “Shhhhh.” Alternatively, you can pick them up gently when they start to fuss and once they are soothed, place them down again.
This method is perfect for children less than seven months old, because they don’t get overstimulated with your presence, and it reinforces that you have not left them. This is very important at this age! Eventually, they will become unaware and begin to drift off again.
- Check and Console
In this method, you want to put your child in their crib (hopefully when they are just about dozing off), then exit the room and re-enter shortly to interact with them lightly and show that you’re still close by. This could be a soothing word or touch, but make sure this is minimal and avoid picking them up as this will lead to too much stimulation.
Depending on their age, they may notice your absence, but they will soon realize you have not abandoned them and they will be more relaxed for sleep. Continue this routine of leaving and checking on them again with reassurance while making the intervals of being gone longer each time until they are fully asleep. This may even get up to 10 to 15-minute intervals but of course, do what feels right.
And just so you know, this method has a few other names such as The Ferber Method, Graduated Extinction, Progressive Waiting, and The Interval Method, in case you see any of these during your sleep research.
- Bedtime Routine Fading
This one may be the first one to try since it involves continuing your previous bedtime routines like rocking or lullaby music. The trick here is to consistently decrease the amount of time spent doing these techniques; therefore, slowly weaning your child off them. Hopefully they will get to the point where they don’t even realize that the stimulus is missing.
It is important that you continue this method across the goal line. Don’t just try it for a week and then regress back to the amount of time you were spending on it before. This weaning aspect is the main focus here.
- Bedtime Hour Fading
Here, you are actually shifting your child’s bedtime to an earlier time. You put them down at 8 p.m. but it is likely they fuss for 15 minutes before falling off to sleep. The time they actually fall asleep should be noted, and then you gradually shift their bedtime 5-10 minutes earlier each night.
You are taking advantage of their natural sleep cycle and shifting it just a little bit until they are now tired at 8 p.m. and won’t lie in the crib fussing. Again, consistency to this schedule is key!
- Chair Method
Similarly to the Check and Console Method, the Chair Method reinforces to your child that you are still there and have not abandoned them. Start by placing your child in their crib, and then sit down in a chair next to it where your child can see you. They know you’re there, which should relax them. Remain sitting until they fall asleep, and at this point you can leave the room. If they wake again and begin to fuss, sit back down until they fall asleep again. Repeat this procedure until they fully remain asleep. But here’s the trick… every other night, move the chair a little farther away from them until ultimately, you are outside of the room.
They will get to the point where they don’t even notice you are in the room anymore and they subconsciously know they can fall asleep on their own. And of course since this one requires the parent to remain in the room until the child falls asleep again, it definitely takes some discipline so make sure to find a couple of weeks you can dedicate to this. Think of it as “Me Time!”
- Extinction (Cry It Out)
OK, so this is the hardest method for both child AND parent. It involves putting your child in their crib after their bedtime routine of feeding/bath/rocking, saying goodnight, and then leaving the room. They will of course know you are gone and will almost certainly start crying, but don’t run to comfort them so quickly! Remember that you are teaching them to learn to sleep on their own and while it seems cruel to let them cry, this method is very effective for many families. You will also find that the crying period gets shorter each night. Just know that the first night will be the roughest so stay strong!
The next big question is “When do you go back in?” If your child is younger, they will need a bottle at some point during the night. This is actually nice and will of course remind them that you came back for them. However, if they are older, you can choose to not revisit at all until the morning, letting them cry through their wake-ups, or you can let them work through a few wake-ups on their own and then go in during a later part of the night to comfort them. Make sure not to overstimulate them so they can get back to sleep. Again, this method can be difficult, but try it for a week and see how it goes. You may be surprised.
Additional Things to Think About
Some of these methods may be difficult to carry out at first. We know it’s hard to hear your child cry when you know you can run in and comfort them. However, research has shown that cortisol levels (the body’s stress hormone) remained the same in children six months and older while undergoing these methods, and they ultimately fell into deeper, more restorative sleep. They are not being scarred for life but of course, use your own reasonable judgment as to how long is too long to let them cry. A good 10-15 minutes might just do the trick.
Life gets complicated as well and you wont always be able to stick to the “schedule.” Colds running through the house or new additions to the daily routine like older children starting school and sports can throw off the sleep schedule, and this is OK, but make sure to get your baby back on it as soon as possible. There might be a few rough days, but they will certainly fall back into the routine soon enough.
Of course, it’s important to remember that all children react differently and maybe not every one of these methods will work for them, but if you stick with them, you will surely find one the right one. We recommend keeping a journal of your child’s sleep habits and how each of the methods you try are received. This will also help keep you on track from day to day and will be an interesting piece of their childhood to show them when they get older.
So try your best to resist that urge to switch back to comforting habits like using a pacifier or rocking them to sleep. It’s for their own benefit as well as yours that they learn to fall asleep on their own. This should even lead to easier parenting when they hit the toddler stage. Sleep well!
References:
Canapari, C., MD. (2021, June 4). Sleep training tools and methods for the exhausted parent. Craig Canapari, MD. https://drcraigcanapari.com/at-long-last-sleep-training-tools-for-the-exhausted-parent/
Doucleff, M. (2019, July 15). Sleep training truths: What science can (and can’t) tell us about crying it out. NPR. https://choice.npr.org/index.html?origin=https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/15/730339536/sleep-training-truths-what-science-can-and-cant-tell-us-about-crying-it-out
Gagne, C. (2020, March 6). 6 most popular baby sleep-training methods explained. Today’s Parent. https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/baby-sleep/most-popular-sleep-training-methods-explained/
Jodaline
The first one mentioned is pretty similar to Susan Urban’s Hold With Love method. But her’s is with putting baby up for a while instead of patting. I love Susan’s books. After 1yo sleep regression we’ve been using her next book: https://www.parental-love.com/shop/toddler-sleep-training and these tips are just working. Just like that!